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You Are Stronger Than You Know.
These are the words I will forever remember from the birth of my first baby.
This birth was definitely very intense and didn’t go quite how I envisioned. But I did it, and I’m so proud of being able to trust my body enough to make it through the natural birth I had wanted! Birth is hard work, and I am very thankful for all the support I had and that everything was ok so that I didn’t need interventions that are sometimes medically necessary. However you bring your baby into the world, it is an amazing feat and incredibly hard work!
I enjoyed reading birth stories as I mentally prepared for birth in the final months of pregnancy, so I thought I would share my story too! Keep in mind, it is a bit intense and was definitely not a pain free birth, but it taught me I am stronger than I know!
Friday, April 9: We finished watching a redbox movie that evening, the night before Remy’s due date. I was feeling a bit crampy in my back and hips but didn’t think much of it as I was having pretty bad hip and back pain on and off for a week or two. The midwives had told me that was probably just my body preparing for labor. Looking back at it, I must have been having contractions on and off for a couple weeks! It was pretty uncomfortable, so Daniel would practice the hip squeezes we learned in our birthing class, and I would do pelvic tilts on my hands and knees to help feel better. But I said to Daniel, “Ugh. I don’t know how I can deal with this end of pregnancy back pain much longer!” Some days it was so bad that I started to be worried that, if I thought a little hip pain hurt this much, how was I going to make it through labor?! Little did I know what I was having was actually contractions…
Friday, 11:30pm: We finished our movie and got ready for bed, lying down and turning off the lights. Except, I couldn’t fall asleep because my back and my hips were really tight and achy! Daniel was asleep within minutes, and I didn’t want to wake him. But after an hour of trying to just deal with it myself, it got too uncomfortable.
12:30 am: I woke up Daniel, asked him to rub my back and do a few hip squeezes, hoping my body would relax enough so I could sleep. But no, while the counter pressure felt good, the pain just continued to intensify. I began to complain that it felt like someone kept trying to break my back! Daniel tried to get me to drink some water and eat some apple slices, but I wasn’t hungry and only got down a slice or two.
He decided to get me a warm Epsom salt bath to hopefully get my muscles to relax so the pain would stop and I could get to sleep. We figured if it happened to be some kind of false labor, it would also die out with the warm water. The tub helped me relax a little bit but I was still in a lot of pain, which started to worry me… Usually Epsom salt baths helped tremendously with my pregnancy aches and pains.
After a bit, I got out to get back on my hands and knees in bed. I still did not think I was in labor, as all my pain was in my back. I started telling Daniel that I thought something was wrong, maybe with my back or intestines. I did end up going to the bathroom then and had loose stools (a sign of labor) and started to think, could this be it?
Daniel kept trying to get me to eat and drink in case this was it and I would need energy, but I was too nauseous. The pain was pretty intense, so I had Daniel doing hip squeezes and holding a heat pad on my back. Most of the time I was on my knees with my head resting on a pile of pillows. It felt like there was so much pain and pressure in my back!
We started to think this must be labor, but I kept saying I didn’t think it was because I couldn’t feel any contractions or pain in my front, just my back and hips. I kept telling Daniel this isn’t right. This isn’t supposed to start out this intense… If this is pre-labor, I’m not going to make it! It felt like if the pain got any worse I wouldn’t be able to handle it, and this was supposed to be the beginning!
2:30 am: Even though it was the middle of the night, we decided to call the midwives. Turns out they were already awake because they were at another birth! They said it sounded like early labor and to let them know if anything changes. At this point, I was already low moaning at points and had trouble even keeping quiet while Daniel was on the phone.
The next few hours we labored together just the two of us, and it was pretty rough. I didn’t know what was going on, and things felt too intense too soon – if only I had known the pain didn’t really get too much worse! Daniel was my rock and doing his best to coach me through. Good thing he read Dr. Bradley’s book on husband coached childbirth! He set the diffuser, kept the lights dim, and played my relaxing yoga playlist. He tried to get me to lay on my side and rest to conserve energy. But it was too intense, and I couldn’t stay still. I kept moving my legs throughout labor. I just focused on my deep breathing in and out and, when needed, low moaning. Daniel kept counterpressure on my hips and reassured me I was ok.
It was around this time when I experienced a lot of self doubt. I started asking if we should go to the hospital. Daniel was a bit worried and not sure what to do, so he timed the pain when it was most intense. The pain was in roughly one minute long waves. He assured me I was actually in labor.
5 am: Daniel was timing contractions and they were about 1 minute long and 4 minutes apart – the contraction app kept telling him it was time to head to the hospital! He texted the midwives letting them know I was in a lot of pain and asking to go to the hospital and they said they would come soon as the other mom was pushing. So we decided to wait until one of them could come check on me before we did anything.
Throughout the night I couldn’t keep any food or drink down and threw up a few times. The whole night Daniel couldn’t leave my side because I needed so much emotional and physical support to get through. He couldn’t even step away to set up the birthing tub. We tried to do a few affirmations and mindfulness exercises together that we had practiced, but the pain was so intense it was hard for me to think about anything other than just getting through.
7 am: One of my midwives came and was able to check my progress. I was already dialated 4-5 cm! I was in active labor!
Hearing this really helped changed my mindset. I realized there was nothing wrong with me… this was it, this is what I had been practicing! I was going to meet my baby today!
My midwife also reminded me it really doesn’t get a whole lot worse than I was feeling at that point. That helped too as I couldn’t imagine being able to handle pain much worse than what I was dealing with! She did my vitals and checked that the baby was in a good position, and got me to eat a spoonful of honey. Daniel gave me some ice chips. My midwife encouraged me to change positions and try walking some to help things along. She also gave me an ice pack for my back which helped. Walking felt really intense so I only was able to a little bit.
The next couple of hours seemed to go by fairly quickly. Daniel and I worked together with him doing hip squeezes and pressing the ice pack on my back and me focusing on breathing and low vocalizing.
10:30 am: The other midwife and birth assistant arrived after finishing up at the last birth. I was laboring on all fours or side lying. I would get up every hour or two to use the bathroom. At one point I even just labored on the toilet for a bit with my feet up kind of squatting. Very Gollum like, haha, you never know what labor position is going to feel good till your body tells you!
10:40 am: I had progressed to 6-7 cm and was 90 percent effaced. My contractions were every 2-3 minutes and about 60 seconds long, and in between I still felt a lot of pain (where were the glorious breaks I was told about?!). The contractions were intense, and I would try to focus on my deep breathing and low moaning to get through. I kept thinking about keeping my jaw and hands relaxed so my cervix would open like Ina May says!
I was very focused on the task at hand, so I don’t remember these hours well. But my midwife wrote in her notes that I was handling contractions well, so I must have been doing a good job! I think there was still a few contractions I lost focus for, felt out of control of my body, and was yelling for help, but Daniel helped me calm down and refocus.
I never was really unable to talk during contractions. I ended up saying a lot of weird things, haha! I kept telling the midwives that I couldn’t wait to be done so I could have some fruit salad! I said I didn’t know how any one walks thru this pain, and how in the world did my mom do this 9 times?!
Daniel kept reminding me that we get to meet our baby today! He was working so hard by my side the whole time! He was so exhausted too at one point he had some crackers, a spoonful of honey, and an energy drink in a quick break just to keep going.
To help me get the final centimeters, the midwives told me to get up and get a shower as the heat would help me relax. I told them I didn’t think I could, but Daniel helped me up and let me labor leaning against him with my arms around his neck. The heat helped some but this time was intense and emotional for me. I was tired and just held tight to Daniel, who was my rock getting through.
After I got out, the birth assistant encouraged me to do a couple of contractions lunging with one leg on the side of the tub. I looked at her with tears in my eyes, saying I can’t, as I thought it would be too intense and I couldn’t handle the pain. She looked me in the eyes, told me I could do it and that “You are stronger than you know.” This moment is something I will always remember. I was exhausted and fearful but I was able to do something I thought no way I could get through! She and Daniel helped me breathe through a few contractions on each side, and I remember feeling a bit in awe that I could, in fact, handle the intensity. It took all my breathe and focus, but I had to just surrender to my birth and not be afraid of the pain.
1 pm: By the time I got back to the bed I was dilated to 9 cm, yay! Almost there! Contractions were about 70 seconds and coming every 2 minutes. During this point of labor I was very focused on getting to the next stage. I was convinced pushing would be easier, so I kept saying during my contractions you’re almost there!
1:50 pm: I was feeling a bit pushy, so the midwives let me do some small practice pushes with my contractions, but I still had a small lip of my cervix stuck. They had me do horsey lips through my contractions to help relax the cervix for the baby to come down – also a trick of Ina Mays! Daniel did them with me to help coach me through as I was pretty tired and still in a lot of pain. Later he asked me if the midwives had me do that just to distract me haha!
2:40 pm: I was 10 cm and able to start pushing! I started pushing on my knees, leaned over my birth ball on the bed. Pushing was so much harder than I expected!
The midwives kept coaching me on taking a couple deep breaths and then hold my breath in and push as many times as I could until the contraction was over. I was pretty exhausted from all the hours of hard labor and not being able to eat anything or even drink much. So I had a hard time following their instructions and kept giving ineffective pushes or blowing out my breath instead of holding in to push. After spending so many hours breathing focused in and out through my nose, it was hard to hold my breath in, and I had to push a lot harder than I expected.
3:18 pm: I pushed lying back propped up against a pillow for a little bit. My water broke during a push and went all over the poor midwife! It was so forceful it surprised me!
I had a few bites of applesauce and a spoonful of honey to try to get some energy. I debated maybe going to the hospital but then thought, it would be way too hard to even get there! I was scared of the intensity, but I needed to surrender to my body knowing it would be ok. The midwives had me push side lying, then on my hands and knees, and then asked me to push in a lunge position leaning over the ball. I thought that I couldn’t do it, but they helped me into position, and it was intense! Definitely a lot of pressure! We did on the other side too.
The midwives encouraged me that the baby was moving down a lot and told me to reach down and feel his head! I didn’t really want to at first since, um, eww, but I did and it helped me know I was so close to the finish line!
Throughout this I remember it being really hard and just focusing on Daniel coaching me through each contraction. He’d say “ok good job,” “harder push a little harder,” or “ok that was a good one, keep going!”
The midwives could tell I was tiring out, so one wrote Daniel a note that said we need to get this baby out! Even though I thought there was no way I could do it, they had me get into a squat, leaned over the birthing ball. That was so intense! Over the next two contractions I gave it everything I had left in me! Daniel encouraged me to just give it my all since we were so close to meeting our baby!
On the first contraction I felt a burning pain for a bit – the ring of fire as it’s aptly called. On the second contraction it hurt like hell, but I knew I was close. I pushed using every bit of strength and breath I had. And the baby’s head came out, and the rest of his body followed 20 seconds later! Our little baby boy Remy was born at 4:18 pm.
It was such a weird sensation and powerful feeling of pressure release that I started standing up from my squat as soon as he came out! The midwives quickly stopped me to prevent the cord from being damaged. I was stuck facing away from the baby still so I started asking if the baby was ok? Daniel was a bit nervous because the baby looked a bit blue to him and wasn’t crying yet but he reassured me. Then I heard the baby cry and it was such a relief! I did it! I was able to have a natural home birth!
They helped me turn around and recline so I could hold my little squirmy baby against my chest. I couldn’t believe he was finally here! I was just so relieved and tired and in awe that all I could do was stare at him. It was so wonderful just to see him and look at all his tiny limbs and even a little leg roll!
Soon we were able to breastfeed some which was such a new but special experience. I drank some water and ate some honey to regain strength. Pushing out the placenta took more work than I expected and the midwives gave me an herbal remedy to prevent too much bleeding. I thanked my body for doing such a good job and allowed it to relax to stop bleeding.
Finally we were able to spend some time as a family while the midwives cleaned up. It was really nice having this bonding time to just snuggle together in bed and eat some snacks. Later, his newborn exam was done right on the bed and he weighed 8 pounds 7 ozs! A surprisingly big baby for me!
I did have some 3rd degree tearing, which required going to the hospital later for stiches. That was frustrating when we were already so beat. We got home around midnight, had more snacks, and then finally tried to get some sleep at 2 am. We had been awake for two days straight!
The next day the one midwife reminded me that I am stronger than I know and to always remember that! A natural birth was one of the hardest, mentally challenging, and exhausting things I have ever done, but it came with the very best reward. Remy’s birth may have been tough, but it taught me I CAN do hard things, even when it feels like I can’t.
